Sex Work is Necessary Work

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. ― Steve Martin

When Covid-19 lockdowns immobilized the nation in April 2020, Americans were inundated with new rules for life. A hollow, 1984-esque jargon quickly emerged, dictating where we could go, with whom we could interact, which businesses and activities were “essential,” and which could be officially negated.

Many sex workers understandably panicked and shuttered their businesses.

Many more, myself included, took stock of the situation, adjusted screening and cleaning routines accordingly, and forged ahead in the Energizer-Bunny manner sex workers typically do.

While the media focused on the perils of providing intimate services during a global pandemic and activists opined that prostitutes should qualify for unemployment, the essential need for human connection prevailed behind closed doors.

There's a reason prostitution is known as the world's oldest profession. The uninterrupted demand for sex workers during the Covid-19 pandemic indicates it is also one of the most persevering.

If nothing else, the Covid-19 lockdowns made it abundantly clear that physical touch, and, more so, intimacy, is a necessity. Without touch and companionship, without opportunities to connect and explore our deepest vulnerabilities with another human, we become alienated from other people, and also from ourselves.

At its best, sex work facilitates the profound and potentially life-changing opportunity to reveal our most private, often hidden, self. Experiencing intimacy with someone who will accept us just as we allow us to peel off our prickly outer layers, let go of the defense mechanisms we construct to cope with life’s uncertainty and constant demands, and reveal, however fleetingly, our tender core.

After 15 years of providing sensual massage and erotic services, I understand the necessary and transformational power of a touch, both in giving and receiving it.

The fundamental need we have for intimacy and the heartbreaking reality that experiencing it isn't always possible is just one reason sex work is essential to upholding humanity at our deepest roots.

Consider the following other compelling reasons a professional companion may be the best option for getting your needs for intimacy and connection met.

Sex Workers Are Professionals

Without the expectation of reciprocity or risk of emotional fallout, sex workers provide sexual intimacy, erotic touch, and affection within the bounds of a clearly-defined professional relationship, not unlike the kinda psychotherapist has with clients. Encounters with a sex worker, being inherently transactional, offer a unique opportunity for uninhibited self-expression without the risks associated with personal connections.

Because sex workers uphold emotional as well as physical boundaries, clients can safely take their guards down while avoiding concerns that doing so will lead to drama, heartbreak, unreasonable demands, or recrimination.

Best of all, a skilled sex worker, who does her job with integrity and high standards of professionalism, can create a uniquely personal experience that meets the needs for genuine connection and intimacy both safely and effectively. As a bonus, exploring one’s sexuality with the right professional often encourages introspection. The experience may reveal that the need for sexual fulfillment is secondary to a deeper issue, and thus encourage personal growth and healthy lifestyle changes.

You're in a (Sexless) Relationship

For a married or partnered man who does not wish to end or violate his primary relationship with an affair, seeing a sex worker can be a therapeutic outlet that supplies the missing sexual component in an otherwise satisfying relationship. Hiring a sex worker to meet the need for sex is not “cheating” in the conventional sense, just as going to a therapist to receive emotional support isn’t betraying a loved one. In some cases, access to safe transactional experiences with sex workers is the mitigating factor in keeping sexless but otherwise loving relationships together. While seeing a professional fill a gap ideally met by a partner is not a solution for everyone, for those whose top priority is keeping a marriage together AND getting sexual needs met, sex workers, can be a critical resource.

Though such arrangements aren’t suitable for every couple, some married women who are unwilling or unable to meet their husband’s sexual needs agree to his seeking erotic services, particularly sensual massage, which provides sensual touch and release without more intimate sex acts.

You and Your Partner Want to Experiment

Open-minded couples may choose to address the sexual doldrums by experimenting with a neutral and adventurous third party. With clear intentions and goals, conscious explorations with the right sex worker can enhance a couple’s sex life and reignite the passion in a relationship with new perspectives and tools to maintain chemistry and desire long-term.

Conversely, working with a professional may also reveal more complex problems in an established relationship that can’t be solved with a sexy band-aid. Seeing a professional is sometimes the beginning of a longer and more nuanced journey of discovery that can identify unhealed traumas, fundamental incompatibles in current relationships, and essential needs that may have been suppressed to maintain a role or obligation. If a couple enters into the dynamic with intention, a skilled sex worker can be an ideal sounding board and compassionate surrogate, one who can teach couples how to increase intimacy from a uniquely insightful and intimate position.

You're Single & Want No-Strings Sex

Technology has made dating, casual sex, and hook-ups widely accessible and acceptable in small towns and urban areas all over the country. Whether a horny college student or recently divorced middle-aged professional, people everywhere and of all ages and walks of life can find someone to have sex with within a matter of minutes.

Accessibility and myriad options, however, do not necessarily equal healthy and satisfying connections.

For some single men, casual dating works well to meet needs for sex and companionship, at least occasionally.

However, even with clearly-stated boundaries, sex usually leads to complications of one kind or another. A fun and relaxed encounter can easily breed expectations that can’t be met.

The reality is that finding a compatible sex partner takes time, energy, money, and a significant degree of personal investment that many single men with full lives may neither want nor have to give. Demanding careers, frequent travel, parenting obligations, hobbies, and the need for an alone time make finding space for even casual relationships challenging and may make dating altogether unappealing.

For the successful single man who wants no-strings sex, genuine connection, and meaningful conversation, high-end sex workers are an excellent and satisfying alternative to dating and Tinder hookups. I’d argue that they are a superior alternative for those who have the cash.

Many high-end escorts are educated, well-traveled, and articulate, not to mention beautiful, compassionate, and great in bed. Given the vast numbers of sex workers nationwide and that many can be available on short notice, sex workers can be ideal companions for busy, discerning men, allowing for spontaneity and variety without the time, energy, and drama.

You are Emotionally Wounded, Recovering from a Bad Breakup, or Otherwise Vulnerable

Personally, when I'm suffering from a broken heart or feeling vulnerable for any reason, the last thing I long for is an opportunity to rip my clothes off and get them on with a stranger. Ironic, I know.

While some of us self-isolate and shun our need for the human touch when the going gets rough, others seek solace in the warm embrace of another.

Newly divorced, recently widowed, depressed, chronically ill, or otherwise emotionally or physically vulnerable men may be in no condition to date but genuinely desire and need companionship, intimacy, and sex.

Whereas seeking human connection in the potentially volatile landscape of one’s already-rocky personal life may be ill-advised for the walking wounded, the sex industry is a treasure trove of low-risk opportunities to connect with gorgeous, kind, and intelligent women, who are more than happy to provide non-judgmental tender loving care in exchange for a financial donation.

The right provider can offer genuine comfort, help you process your emotions, and boost your ego while you work on getting your mojo back.

You Want to Explore Your Kinky Side

Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism, and Masochism, otherwise known as BDSM, are terms casually used in the mainstream lexicon. Such forms of connecting with others have become culturally acceptable ways to enact the rich complexities of human sexuality. Openness about fetishes, taboo fantasies, and kinky desires has made sharing what was once hidden in our psyches part of routine self-expression and even mainstream media productions.

While widespread awareness makes kinky sex more popular than ever, this doesn't mean you necessarily feel comfortable asking your wife to penetrate you with a strap-on or pee on you.

Some things are better left to the professionals, even for the most adventurous of couples.

Whether you are too shy to express your kinky fantasies with your partner or simply enjoy having private desires you can stealthily explore outside your personal relationships, kink-friendly sex workers and trained dominatrices are critical to safe and fulfilling experiences. Often BDSM play requires special equipment and a studio furnished for such occasions, making a professional the only option for exploring certain activities. If you are hesitant to cross the threshold into unknown territory on your own, you may find that a compassionate and experienced professional is just the guide you need to safely reveal the part of yourself you hide from the rest of the world.

While there are many more great reasons to see a sex worker, using professionals to meet your needs may not be the best choice for a healthy and sustainable long-term means of fulfilling needs for intimacy and closeness. However, when utilized intentionally and with a goal in mind, the services sex workers provide can be life-altering. Before taking any steps to hire a professional, get clear about your motivations for doing so, and never underestimate or devalue your need for human touch.